written by
Karely Valdez

Why Do Families Change? Discussing Separation and Divorce with Children

Hively Provider Book Club 3 min read , September 12, 2022

Hively Provider Book Club

Wednesday, 7 September 2022

Hively offers regular workshops, classes, and training to help childcare providers develop their skills as small business owners, child development experts, and compassionate caregivers.

This includes Hively’s Childcare Provider Book Club! Every Wednesday from 1:00-1:30pm, Hively has a guest reader who reads a children’s book to a group of childcare providers and we discuss the book together. Providers discuss their thoughts, how they can implement the book into their centers, and what they can teach their children in connection with each book.

Hosted by our Training and Inclusion Coordinator, Hively’s Childcare Provider Book Club introduces a range of diverse topics including inclusion, emotions, representation, disability, meditation/mindfulness and more!

At the end of the month, Hively provides childcare providers in the Tri-Valley (Pleasanton, Livermore, Dublin, Sunol) with a copy of their favorite children's book to help providers build their children's library while also providing the tools to help them implement the book into their child care program.

This week our Training and Inclusion Coordinator read Why Do Families Change? Our First Talk About Separation and Divorce by Dr. Jillian Roberts.

The content of this book is as follows: “Often young children blame themselves or are unsure of their place in the family if [separation/divorce] events occur.

Child psychologist Dr. Jillian Roberts designed the ‘Just Enough’ series to empower parents/caregivers to start conversations with young ones about difficult or challenging subject matter.”

Key takeaways from our Provider Book Club discussion included the following:

  • The book does a great job of explaining different terms (e.g., divorce, separation) in an easy, understandable way for children.
  • The book explains that when people choose to be together for the rest of their lives, they may decide later to separate because they are not happy together. We can explain to children here that relationships change, and they aren’t always perfect. Sometimes being away from someone is a better choice for both partners in a relationship.
  • The book emphasizes that it is not the child's fault if their parents choose to separate. This part of the book is very important because children can resort to blaming themselves if their parents are separating. The book also emphasizes that the parent does not stop loving them. We can teach kids that while things can be changing in their family dynamic, this does not mean they will be alone or unloved.
  • Sometimes when people separate it is to allow them to be happy in a different sense.
  • The book anticipates some of the emotions that children may experience if their parents are getting a divorce (e.g., feelings of fear and change) but it also emphasizes that it’s okay for children to feel this way.
  • The book guides children by explaining that they can reach out to others to feel better.
  • The end of the book provides a few more questions and explanations focusing on custody, blended families, as well as scenarios in which parents get back together.
  • This is a tough topic to discuss, but it is important to discuss with children who face these experiences.

Here is a read aloud of the book:

Here is a Sesame Street Song on discussing divorce:

If you are a childcare provider and would like to join Hively’s Provider Book Club, please contact hello@behively.org for further information.

About the Author:

Hello, my name is Karely! I am the Training and Inclusion Coordinator at Hively. One of my roles at Hively includes facilitating and sharing resources for Hively’s Provider Book Club.

In addition to the Provider Book Club, I help and support childcare providers in the Tri-Valley (Pleasanton, Dublin, Livermore, Sunol) with inclusion services for their child care programs.

If you are a childcare provider in the Tri-Valley and are interested in inclusion services for your childcare program and/or you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to reach out to hello@behively.org Thank you!

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